Finding Gratitude in The Stillness

 

This past year Obe and I embarked on one of the greatest adventures of our lives. In February 2014 we launched our fundraising efforts for a double adoption from Haiti. We needed to have at least $10,000 to submit an application, start the Home Study process and we were shocked, scared and lost! We made a couple of calls and set out to do a fundraising kickoff event and in one week we raised over $12,000!!!! YES- you are seeing the right amount of zeros! We thought we would breeze right through this first stage of the adoption. We felt God had blessed this tremendously and nothing could stand in our way. We thought, HOME RUN! Then the loud sound of a screeching brake stopped us dead in our tracks. By May we were told that we would not be able to adopt from Haiti due to a traffic violation arrest on our FBI background report from 2006 without running the  risk of getting declined at the end. Then another issue was there was some documentation  from the crèche in Haiti needed to be renewed and well that’s where we’ve been the rest of the year. In June we decided we would take the risk and continue with the adoption and in July while in Haiti we realized the challenging part we would face is in the waiting for this documentation to get renewed after all this is Haiti. A third world county with not efficient systems to get this done in a quick and efficient manner.

We have had many nights of wondering, praying and crying and asking God, “What now? How long? What next?” Obe and I are committed to one day having our children home but what do we do in the waiting? How long do we sit still and wait? Our home is ready; our hearts are ready -so now what?  Almost a year later from the rush of raising the initial costs, the finishing of our home updates and the excitement of finally starting the adoption process we come to the next step of our journey: as we  keep waiting for our babies from Haiti to come home  we will be serving and loving children in the Foster Care system.

We have decided to open our home, our hearts and shower with love children that need a loving, nurturing and safe home. A couple weeks ago at church, Obe taught about how our Plan A’s don’t usually go as we plan and dream. Our Plan A looked like it was blessed, doors were opened, hearts were opened to help us, after months of searching for a home right on time we got our home, it all looked as if it would be smooth sailing. Obe and I jumped right in and whooped and yelled started pedaling that boat as fast and hard as we could….. and then the storm hit and our boat was definitely shaken, it was damaged and broken. For the past five months we have sat with our shaken, damaged and broken hearts. We have sat still with our God, we have cried in our God’s arms, He has caressed us through this, wiped our tears,  helped us up and held our right hand as we walk to what is next.

We ask for your prayers and encouragement. We want to thank to the many that not only gave money but also joined our mission this past year. Those who joined in our happiness, our desire, and our pain -you are on this adoption journey with us. Those who prayed, they gave and helped others give, those who have cried with us, been angry with us and sat in awe with us- we thank you and ask you to continue praying for those two babies stuck in Haiti (and the thousands everywhere) until they come home, to pray for us as we continue to wait for our daughter and son but go and love the children stuck in foster care, pray for the children that will be coming in to our home that are in foster care (and the 400,000 other children in the Foster Care system of whom 102,000 children are waiting for parents to adopt them) and for our families support, love and acceptance of these children.  We love you. We thank you. We can’t imagine this journey without you.

The Ram Was Provided

Genesis 22:13

Then Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught by its horns in a thicket. So he took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering in place of his son.

On March 1, 2014 we kicked off our fundraising efforts for our adoption. We started promoting the event exactly two weeks before after our friend Sandy stepped up to help us out. We had received news from the agency that laws were changing April 1st and they may affect us negatively in our adoption. We rushed and helped kickoff all aspects of the adoption. 

When we decided to adopt late 2012, we had decided to cut our expenses in half and downsized our home to half the cost and that's how we would get started in our saving. Obe wrote about all that in our previous post. We decided to give all of that to the Jesus Mission opposed to saving for our adoption. For example if we would have been saving $800 a month towards our adoption we would've had a savings in 2012 of $9,600. It would've been a total savings of $11,200 through March 1st. Well we didn't save that money. We decided to increase our tithing in order to further His kingdom in Aurora. We decided to sacrifice saving for our kids and yet our Almighty God provided the sacrifice we had made,  by March 1st  we had raised $11,500!!!!! We're still receiving donations through the mail and through Paypal. Can you believe it!?

I can! We serve the Almighty God, The King of Kings, Jehovah Jireh! Yes God my provider.

We had been faithful to the mission of Jesus and He proved His faithfulness to those who obey His commands. We are thankful to God and all the people who responded to the Holy Spirit and gave sacrificially that March 1st through their resources, their time and hard work to make everything happen! 

We are forever thankful.

The Sacrifice

On February 2013, while Jack was in Haiti for her 32-day immersion time, we were doing a series called ALL IN at our church. We were challenging people to be “all in” with Jesus, “all in” on mission and “all in” with generosity. The series was also the start of a two-year capital campaign called ALL IN, we were asking people to make a two-year financial pledge to help us acquire and renovate a building that our church is buying to create a community center. The weekend before the commitment, we talked about sacrifice, people were challenged to make a sacrifice to be “all in”.

A few months before this series, Jack and I had made a big and difficult decision, we had decided to downsize from the house we had bought to start our family. It was a gorgeous, thirty five hundred square foot home; it was our dream home and the house we were going to grow our family in. But the dreams changed and we started praying about what God wanted to do in our family and we felt led to start exploring adoption. Part of that exploring was coming up with a financial plan to adopt (since it’s very expensive). We decided to cut cost in order to save for the adoption. Our housing expense was our biggest expense we could cut significantly. So we decided to start looking for a smaller house. Meanwhile we had moved to a 650 ft. apartment while we started the series ALL IN. We were able to start saving about $400 a month towards our adoption fund.

Then, I remember calling Jack in Haiti the week before the commitment weekend to talk to her about what was going to be our financial commitment to ALL IN. We had been praying about it for a few weeks but I wasn't sure what to expect from that conversation.  I remember Jack saying that she felt God calling us to give those $400 a month that we where starting to save towards ALL IN in addition to our tithe.  I didn't say a word for like 10 seconds, it felt like an hour of silence but it felt right. In those 10 seconds God totally made it clear to me that that's what He wanted from us. So we decided to sacrifice our adoption fund for the Jesus Mission.

The decision that we made in that conversation happened so fast! We didn't let ourselves reconsider what we were doing. After I hung up, I remember thinking about Abraham when God called him to sacrifice his son Isaac. I felt like I was sacrificing the kids we were adopting before we even had them. I thought of Abraham’s three-day journey from his home to the place of the sacrifice. What was Abraham thinking as he walked next to his son knowing what was going to happen to him? Maybe he wasn't thinking about it. If he did, I'm sure he would have turned around, he would have reasoned with God to find a different type of sacrifice, he would have offered God more time with him or more time worshiping. He would have promised to be a better man. Anything else, but sacrificing Isaac. He made it to Mount Moriah where God showed him where to do the sacrifice. Abraham raised his arms with a knife in his hands and was about to slit the throat of his son Isaac, who was tied on the altar they had build. If He had given it second thoughts, he wouldn't have gotten to that point. Maybe he believed that God was going to raise Isaac from the dead. Maybe he believed that God would give him another son, even though he was over 100 years old. But he didn't. He simply obeyed.

If Jack and I had given it second thoughts, we wouldn't have gone through with our commitment. We decided to obey; even if that meant that we had zero dollars to save for our adoption fund, even if that meant that we had to halt our adoption plan for 2 years. I didn't even want to think about that. All I could think about was how God provided a ram for the sacrifice to replace Isaac when God saw his obedience. And if God provided for Abraham, God can provide for us.

It Really Does Take A Village!

I’ve heard the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child”, many times before and I have to say I have never experienced it like this past week. It truly will take a village to raise our children. Raise them into a family, a home and the hope of a brighter future.

This past week we received great news from our liaison helping us navigate the choppy waters of adoption. We have been waiting for seven months on what was next to proceed with our adoption and finally we received news we are ready to move forward. Move forward rather quickly due to some changes coming up in Haiti (as always). This phase requires us to get paperwork in, home study finished and this all costs about $10,000. Yes, $10,000 by March 30^th!!!

After a day of just sitting still (freaking out), crocheting and talking to God we sought our “village” for help! Many stood up and proclaimed “WE CAN DO THIS!” Starting with one woman in particular, who came out and met with us the very next day and planned our kickoff event for our one-year of fundraising. Early in a frigid morning she sat across from us and without a doubt in her voice led us out of our fearful “what are we going to do?” state. She turned our “we are doomed” fear into fearless fundraiser machines. God knew who we needed and what we needed right now.

The next woman was the one who received my phone call, as I looked over the notes I had taken earlier that morning, and with a calm tone in her voice said, “What do you need me to do? You have my help!” Then there was the woman, who met me in the cold of the night to donate towards our adoption after a long one hour drive, the other women who stayed up late to make items to sell for fundraising events, the woman who tirelessly researches, makes phone calls and emails to get us one step closer to bringing our kids home. It was also a dear woman that came to me in the beach of Haiti and said, “Your children need their mom and dad, what are you going to do about that?”

What I am trying to say is, it really does take a village to raise a child and I am thankful for our “village”. Our children will be coming home to a beautiful village that will help shape them into a man and woman of courage whom will be comforted and guided by extraordinary people and for that we thank you.

Getting $10,000 in less than 40 days will be nothing short of a miracle but I know for my God there is nothing impossible.  Stay tuned for all the upcoming efforts in which you can be a part of this beautiful journey of the Arellano Adoption. 

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www.arellanoadoptionjourney.blogspot.com
 

32 Days

As I prepared physically, mentally and spiritually for 32 days in Haiti fear would creep in once in a while. Fear of loneliness, rheumatoid arthritis, longing for my family and fear of falling in love to the point of no return. I was going to be living in an orphanage with 50 kids whom desperately needed a mom to love them, nurture them, teach them and all I wanted is to be a mom again. I wanted to love, nurture, teach and I didn't have children to do so. I know, it was the perfect formula to falling in love with a child or a couple children. It's inevitable! What was I thinking?!

I've believed for most of my life in loving fearlessly, living passionately and (in the past ten years) in walking in faith. Haiti was no exception! I had already fallen in love with the cutest little couple of kids but I never expected what would happen in the next 32 days. I fell in love with all 50 kids! They were the reason for every single day there. God had taken me to this place for such a time as this! A time of genuine unconditional and selfless love. These children cooed their way in to my heart. These children served their way into my heart. These children played their way into my heart and I was head over heels for them.

They serenaded me, they helped me when I was sick, they prayed over me, they ran across a rocky courtyard into my arms and day and night my name was chanted in songs! They took my breath away they made me feel loved, wanted, and valued. All of the things, they lacked in feeling; loved, wanted, and valued. How can that be? How can they abundantly give what they don't get?

See these children have horrid stories of rejection, abandonment, and of loss. They have felt so much more rejection in their short lives than I ever could fathom in mine. They have survived maltreatment that is unimaginable in our world. They have withstood the loss of their families through horrible events. How? How can they have the capacity to give what they haven't received or lost along their short lives. There is where I see Jesus! Jesus restorative power! They represent an unwanted, unloved, and undeserving group of people in society, yes these precious loving children. Yet the Bible talks about how to care for these children over and over.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Esther. She was Jewish girl who was orphaned when her parents died and was adopted by an uncle. This little orphan girl named Hadassah turned to be Queen Esther. The Queen of over 127 provinces that stretched out from India all the way to Ethiopia! The one who saved the Jews from total annihilation. An orphan turned queen and used by God for the salvation of a whole nation.

God has a purpose for each and everyone of the 50 children I lived with in Haiti. He loves them, He wants them and He values each and every single one. He considers them masterpieces and beloved. He is their protector, their defender and he seeks justice for them all. And he calls us to do the same!

So there I was in the middle of a hot Haitian day, sitting under the jasmine tree, I sat wondering how God only called me to adopt two and not fifty. :)

The Beginning.

We were sitting in our room praying, crying, screaming, asking God "why?', grieving. It was the evening of February 7, 2012. The evening prior to the end of our dreams, the end of the hope of having our little family, our children. Thankfully many don't know this feeling, the feeling of grieving the death of unborn children, of failed dreams and of destroyed joy. But for those who do, know exactly the deepest of pains and the darkest of sadness that can over flood your being. 

Obe and I had bought the house of our dreams, the home for our children. We had a bedroom for the girls and one for the boys. We had the walk up attic that would be the play room. We had the home of our dreams to realize, finally after five years, the dream of our family. We had planned everything just right. We had put our calling to start a church first. We had prepared and planned. We were so excited! We had names, names we had prayed over and over and had picked biblical names with special meanings. We prayed over my womb, many times. We prayed for our unborn children and fasted for their birth to come soon. We were so excited. 

And yet here we sat crying and praying and reading scripture and crying some more. See the day had come, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant, the day of my hysterectomy. A surgery that would forever take away the gift of life in our marriage. The gift of children. Obe would never see his daughter or son be born! He would never be able to hold his child in wonder and awe. We would never be able to name them with those special biblical names that we had prayed over. I would never give birth to Obe's children, my dear and loving husband. We were devastated, defeated and we weeped. 

Due to many medical problems, a hysterectomy was needed and I hated myself. I felt as if I had failed Obe. Even though his loving words and embrace let me know he loved me, I still couldn't accept that he would never have children. And on that June on Father's Day, I broke down. I couldn't do it! I couldn't see him celebrate all the fathers at our church, when he would never be the father of his biological children. I sought the help of a counselor, a spiritual mentor and a physical therapist. I was depressed, my health was worsening and I felt the furthest away from God. I needed all sorts of help. I was angry, resentful and so sad. 

During that time, I was in the middle of planning on going on a mission trip to  Haiti, the third one that year. I had been going to Haiti for a year and a half now and in August it would be my fourth time there. The first one that year was in January, I came home had my surgery and went back eight weeks after my surgery in April. I remember I didn't hold any babies in those two trips. I couldn't! It was heartbreaking, all I wanted was a baby of my own and all they needed was a mommy of their own. So I hung out with teenagers and the older kids. It was safer. 

But in August it was different, after I broke down in my bathroom floor that June day and had surrendered it all to God, sought help and was on the road to rediscovering my calling, I had been liberated of my resentment, my anger and I could feel a sense of hope. I held a child! A little baby boy named Luke.  But Luke was being adopted so he was safe. He didn't need a mommy. 

BUT then I saw him, a sad boy that walked aimlessly with his hand to his head sucking on his lip. He looked lost with a deep sadness. He looked like I felt. Lost, without direction, not knowing what was next in our lives. Every dream was gone. Every bit of joy dissipated. One day as he sat there pant less with a blank stare on his face and his hand to his head, I felt the urge to extend my arms to him and as I fought it I did... I extended my arms to a beautiful boy with the most expressive eyes and the saddest soul in the court and even though I was hoping he would ignore me... he reached up into my arms. I held him and cried. Cried for him, cried for that son or daughter I never was able to hold. 

 And that was the beginning.